Dogs may be man’s best friend, but some people love their tiny, water-breathing companions most of all. Flushing fish down the toilet is the conventional and rather inglorious method of pet fish burial, but just because you see that as a common joke on TV doesn’t mean that your fish have to meet the same end. If any of your fish have recently passed away, then allow me to offer a few tips to you that might help you move on. You have my condolences.
Give your Fish a Proper Burial
Grab a shovel, head to the backyard, and give your fish a proper burial. If you’re the religious type, feel free to say a few words to help your beloved pet reach whatever fishy afterlife awaits. You may want to place a rock (or maybe even a lava rock) over the burial spot to remember the fallen. These steps might help you come to grips with the loss of your pet.
Call Homicide (Fishicide?)
Unfortunately, most police departments don’t have detectives that specialize in the causes of fish death, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to get lazy. You’ll have to adopt the role of private investigator and figure out why your fish went belly up. Was it the pH? Not enough food? Parasites? The cat? Fish murder? Yes, fish murder actually happens. Whatever the case may be, you should remedy the problem before heading to the pet store to pick up a replacement. If you don’t, you may as well be flushing your money down the toilet, because more fish deaths are likely to follow.
Prevent A Suicide Cult from Forming
Sometimes, creatures take the easy way out and decide to end their lives early. Humans do it on bridges, jumping from land into water. Fish do it from aquariums, jumping from water onto land. It’s a tragedy whenever something like this happens, but you should learn from your mistake. Get an aquarium cover in case other fish, depressed by the loss of their loved one, decide to jump also.
Erect a Monument
You might find that it’s a good idea to place a monument remembering your fallen buddy in the fish tank. Choose another one of his favorite plants, or a plant that shares the same coloration. That way, you’ll always be reminded of your pal whenever you look at your aquarium.